Week One

Week One - Hauschka Tip

Whilst all the contestants on Strictly had to sleep in fake tan (always running the risk of waking up an Oompa Loompa!) the following gives a much more natural glow...

Autumn tip: Mix a small amount of Translucent Bronze Concentrate in palm of hand with your chosen Dr.Hauschka moisturizer, and gently press onto the skin. Giving the skin a wonderful glow and a healthy appearance, this naturally translucent tinted day care is a favourite of make-up artists and also a popular product for men.

Meanwhile, in neat little tables, from a galaxy far, far away, the Strictly story to date...

Friday 5th October

Dance 1 - Fern & Artem

Type	Cha Cha
Music	“Signed Sealed & Delivered” (Stevie Wonder)
Costume	Purple (slightly reminiscent of the hazelnut Quality Street Sweets)
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	4	5	5	5	19
Overall Position	10th
Comments	The Breville Toaster has returned to the series, if possible, even more acid tongued, but I strangely love him for it.  He did remark that Fern has beautiful hands however (maybe she is a fan of Dr.Hauschka Hand cream?) Darcey said the extensions were beautiful Len declared there was too much wafting!

Dance 2 - Nicky & Karen

Type	Waltz
Music	“I Wonder Why” (Kurtis Stigers)
Costume	Yellow – I read a critique which claimed this was a “vile custard trumpet dress”, but if you look at the detail it is a real Walt Disney Princess number; plus you have to admire anyone beautiful enough to carry it off..
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	2 (Ouch!!)	5	5	5	17
Overall Position	Joint 12th place
Comments	Liftgate as Craig launches into a rant on illegal lifts and proceeds to severely mark down the dance, brandishing Karen as “the female Brendan Cole”, Ravioli states it was like dancing with a cardboard cut-out, whilst Darcey starts a Twitter storm with her habit of ending every sentence with "yes?", "yah?", "yeah?" or "OK?".  I like Darcey though, she always gives practical tips and advice.

Dance 3 - Michael & Natalie

Type	Waltz
Music	“If you don’t know me” (Simply Red)
Costume	Simply Stunning Red Dress…
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	5	5	6	4 (he really was upset by posture!)	20
Overall Position	9th
Comments	Ravioli is very upset by posture, claiming Michael had a “bum like a hanging basket” and a face “like Shane Warne after the makeover” (Bruno’s comments always make me laugh).  I wonder if some Dr.Hauschka facial gymnastics would help? Len continues this theme stating it is not cricket and that he was mincing. I gave Michael  Muslin as a Hauschka code, maybe he has forgotten to wash before use, as his performance was a little rigid!

Dance 4 - Victoria & Brendan

Type	Cha Cha
Music	“Spinning Around” (Kylie Minogue)
Costume	Electric Pink, Sultan style slashed trousers (Bruce offered a sewing machine)
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	3	4	5	4	16
Overall Position	Last place : (
Comments	Oh dear this was pure meltdown for Victoria, who was obviously very upset by her wobbly performance which was compared to riding a bike without stabilizers. Darcey points out the heels are perhaps too high – so she feels disconnected with the ground. Midweek I am going to post an entry on Foot baths, which I think would really help in this situation - Spruce Bath is what is required! Fortunately, Bruce didn’t give the Breville Toaster a chance to give her a grilling!

Dance 5 - Colin & Kristina

Type	Cha Cha
Music	“I’ve Got You (I Feel Good)” ( James Brown)
Costume	Leopard Skin Print top- you have to be a Bond star to carry off
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	4	7	6	6	23
Overall Position	6th
Comments	The judges are short on time for comments (due to the arrival of some dry Martinis for the dancers…keeping up the Bond theme). Breville toaster is not too flattering with his comments, stating there are some elements to the dance we could have done without (to which Bruce retorts there are “some judges we could do without”) First standing ovation of Strictly 2012.

Dance 6 - Denise & James

Type	Waltz
Music	“With you I’m Born Again” (Billy Preston & Syreeta Wright)
Costume	Floaty number, I am not too keen on it though..maybe  I’m anti stripes?
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	6	6	6	7	25
Overall Position	5th
Comments	My mother already refers to these two as the “naughty couple”…I think things could get cheeky as the competition progresses. This was “style with a smile”

Saturday 6th October

Dance 7 - Kimberley & Pasha

Type	Cha Cha
Music	“Domino” (Jessie J)
Costume	Coral Pink Tassel-tastic
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	7	7	7 (first of series)	7	28
Overall Position	2nd
Comments	Yet another standing ovation, gaining her the reputation “Nimble Kimble” from Len,  and the comment “Finally some dance talent in the contest” from Breville Toaster. It is not all praise however, as apparently her Cuban brakes need attention and Darcy chips in that she has to think about the core (yes?) I was strangely fascinated by her hair extensions and didn't like the quiff look (reminded my of the film There is Something about Mary!), she may need an introduction to Neem Hair Lotion - for a softer, more natural look.

Dance 8 - Sid & Ola

Type	Waltz
Music	“I Won’t Give Up” (Jason Mraz)
Costume	In danger of being a nightie on anyone else, but delicate baby blue floating magic on Ola
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	6	6	7	7	26
Overall Position	4th
Comments	Second standing ovation of the night, from “Albert Square to Berkley Square” with “fantastic story telling”.  My Hauschka code of Pump Dispense was well off the mark, like Bruno I expected a “Ragged thug throwing her over the place“ Watch those thumbs and shoulders when you change direction (must come from the core – yeah?)

Dance 9 - Johnny & Iveta

Type	Cha Cha
Music	“Drive My Car” (The Beatles)
Costume	My second least favourite dress, silver and pink tassels, polka dot shirt...hmmmm
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	3	5	5	4	17
Overall Position	Joint 12th place
Comments	Considering that he had to change partners and the fact that he is the oldest Strictly contestant ever, he did very well.  Quite scathing comments though “A Bit last of the Summer Wine” from Len, “Failed the MOT, gears out of sync and engine needs retuning” from Ravioli.

Dance 10 - Dani & Vincent

Type	Waltz
Music	“Open Arms” ( Mariah Carey)
Costume	Lots of sequin detail, floating, traditional ball room, pink and reds
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	5	5	6	5	21
Overall Position	8th
Comments	I loved Dani’s description of them as “a pair of Polly Pockets”, and Vincent as Papa Smurf. She looked so terrified, especially before Breville Toaster gave his verdict (thankfully one of the nicer critiques) that I wanted to rush over and give her some Lavender Bath  (Original Hauschka codename of Spruce Bath has now been amended… Lavender to calm her nerves me thinks!)

Dance 11 - Lisa & Robin

Type	Cha Cha
Music	“Think” (Aretha Franklin)
Costume	My least favourite, I loved the colours, but the underskirt had flashes of flesh colour which looked bizarre, Robin looked like a “Brillo Pad”
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	8	8	7	7	30
Overall Position	A very well deserved top of the board! – which reduced Robin to tears
Comments	My Hauschka Code of Lemon Lemongrass Body Oil was pretty spot on, she is full of zing.  Len described her as a bottle of Fizzy Cola – but Lemon Lemongrass oil is much better for your health! A Strictly first as she lifted Robin at the end of the dance. She is indeed a “Cheeky Monkey” and lights up the dance floor (“Grand, Big, Beautiful, Exuberant, Entertainment”) Breville Toaster was restricted to three words “You Can Dance!” Loved her definitions – swishos, twizzles, waltzios…

Dance 12 - Richard & Erin

Type	Waltz
Music	“You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” (Klaus Hallen Orchestra)
Costume	Timeless, classical grace.  Love all the detail
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	5	5	7	5	22
Overall Position	7th
Comments	More Facial Gymnastics are required ..or maybe not..there was a Face Off over his performance.  Whilst Bruno stated Richard looked like he was "on Valium”, Breville said his  “smile was very lovely and romantic”  (earning him a flower which he proceed to wave around as he pronounced the transitions as lumpy and hands as spatulistic)

Dance 13 - Jerry & Anton

Type	Cha Cha
Music	“Forget You”( Cee Lo Green)
Costume	Sexy va va voom number…
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	3 (earning a look from Darcy)	5	5	5	18
Overall Position	11th
Comments	I love the fact that Jerry said she feels like “Happy Feet” (as I had already determined this should be the name for my midweek feature on foot baths) However, I don’t she can have received the memo to state that this was dancing and not strutting on the catwalk.  Breville Toaster declared that she had taken “Minimal to a whole new level”.

Dance 14 - Louis & Flavia

Type	Cha Cha
Music	“Everybody Loves to Cha Cha”( Sam Cooke)
Costume	I love Flapper style dresses, although this one had a little of tassel, it didn’t like the harsh cut, angled front
Score	Craig Breville Toaster	Darceyah? Bussell	Len 7 Goodman	Bruno Ravioli	TOTAL
	6	8 (swoonstruck)	6	7	27
Overall Position	Bronze (3rd)
Comments	Another standing ovation. Can we have a bucket of iced water for Darcy please?  Swoon city..as Ravioli retorts at the Toaster “You were looking at his face?”